


Molllly

by anna_chronistic



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Crack, Drugs, Ebola - Freeform, F/M, Joly is an idiot, M/M, Mdma, OCD, OR IS HE, Profanity, and ecstasy, quantum tunneling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-19 19:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11319945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna_chronistic/pseuds/anna_chronistic
Summary: The day after accidentally taking ecstasy, Joly thinks that he has ebola.





	Molllly

~~~~~~~~Friday, during a party at Bahorel's house~~~~~~~~

Bahorel was hosting a party where he invited all of les amis. There was Grantaire, who was already drunk and may or may not have thrown up in the bathtub. There was Jehan, playing a banjo and singing improvised songs. There was Feuilly, recording with his brand new camera that he got for film school.

And then there was Joly. His OCD had been pretty bad that day, so he decided to take a Xanax to stop himself from being too panicky. So 20 minutes earlier, he opened a new prescription container. The lid came off a lot easier than usual. The pill had a happy face on it, which Joly thought was pretty weird, but he took it anyway. Maybe they put it there to remind people to be happy.

All was going well, but Joly was acting pretty strange. He was straight up dancing to the slow-paced song that Jehan was playing on the banjo. Basically, he looked like [that one weird guy at a Willie Nelson concert in that youtube video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5bTcbf8J5s).

45 minutes after taking the mysterious pill, Joly had completely lost it. "I can run through walls!" Joly exclaimed. "No, you can't," Combeferre corrected. "Phenomena like that can only be achieved at the quantum level in physics laboratories, i.e. quantum tunneling. Classically, it doesn't work for things like a person and a cement wall." The astrophysics major had a good point. "Don't believe me? Just watch," Joly said.

And with that, he ran full-speed at the wall, crashing into it and falling down. No one could believe that he actually tried to run through a wall. "Are you alright, Jols?" Musichetta asked. "Why doesn't America use the metric system?" Joly asked. His nose was bleeding.

In the other room, Feuilly had turned on the TV. "I think you guys might want to check this out," he said.

The channel that was playing was the local news. "In other news, prescription drugs across the city have been replaced with ecstasy. Examples of tampered medications include Luvox, Xanax, and Zoloft. It is unknown who the culprit is."

"Oh shit," said Bossuet. "I think that Joly might have inadvertently taken MDMA. I know that he takes Xanax occasionally"

"Alright, someone should babysit this dude, to keep him out of trouble. Cause ecstasy is a hell of a drug," said Jehan. "Not that I would know or anything". "Come upstairs with me, Joly" Bahorel helped him up, and Joly followed him upstairs. Bahorel turns on the light in the bathroom, but is momentarily distracted when he sees the bathtub. "Hey, who threw up in here?" (spoiler alert: it was Grantaire).

Meanwhile, Joly faces down the stairs with his eyes closed. "Down in a hole, feeling so small. Down in a hole, losing my soul. I'd like to flyyyy. But my wings have been so denied!" the biomedical engineering major sings as he leans forward to jump off a flight of stairs. He jumped, but Bahorel caught him in mid-air, as Joly was light. "Oh no, you don't," said Bahorel as he carried Joly back downstairs.

"Alright I don't know what to do," Bahorel says, bringing Joly back to Musichetta and Bossuet. "This kid is pretty self-destructive."

"Yeah. Initially, I didn't know he was on ecstasy, because he's usually so cheery," Musichetta explained. Joly opened his eyes and stared at Musichetta, the pupils of his bright brown eyes dilated. "Oh look, it's a fortune teller and her crystal ball," Joly was referring to Musichetta and Bossuet, respectively. "Will you please tell me my future?"

"Oh, I get it," Grantaire drunkenly laughed. "He thinks your head is a crystal ball because you're bald! This is the funniest part of my miserable day!"

"I have read your horoscope, and here's what I see in your future: you will be driven back to your apartment and go to bed because you are high as fuck. O0oooo000hh, spooky!" Musichetta tried to imitate a fortune teller. And after that, her and Bossuet drove Joly back to his apartment.

~~~~~~~~Saturday, at Joly's apartment~~~~~~~~

Joly woke up with a fever and noticed that he had a bloody nose, which scared him. He didn't remember much of what happened last night, so he went straight to WebMD. Things were not looking good, so he called Combeferre.

"Hey, Combeferre."

"What's wrong today?"

"My nose is bleeding, and I feel fucking hot. I googled the symptoms, and apparently those are signs of a hemorrhagic fever, which is a fatal symptom of ebola. From these observations, I came to the only logical conclusion, which is that I have ebola."

"Relax, Joly. You don't have to worry. Fever is a common side effect of ecstasy. And your nose is bleeding because you ran face first into a wall. I think that video might be on snapchat."

"I'm sorry, _what_? So you're telling me that I took ecstasy and ran into a wall?"

"Yeah, apparently prescription drugs have been tampered with and replaced with molly. It's on the news and everything."

"Those sons of bitches," Joly whispered. "Thanks for letting me know that I don't have ebola. You're a good friend," Joly said in his normal upbeat voice.

"No problem," said Combeferre.

After Joly was done with that call, he received a call from Grantaire.

"What's up, R?"

"Hey, Jolllly. Or should I say Molllly?"

"Haha, I like that pun. But I've definitely learned my lesson."

"Never trust a bottle that's too easy to open? I think that's common sense. And I thought biomedical engineering majors were supposed to be smart," R teased.

"Eh, I think I'm just occasionally too naïve."

"I bet you're facing the north pole right now to align yourself with some magnetic fields because some random person from the 1800s said it was cool."

"Actually, the magnetic north pole is tilted at an 11 degree angle away from the geographic north pole. So I'm a bit diagonal with respect to the north pole, and everything else in my room."

"How can you know random shit like that, but not know that pills with happy faces are ecstasy? I can't tell if you're smart or stupid."

"I'm not stupid," said Joly. "Or am I?"

**Author's Note:**

> [Info on ebola and hemorrhagic fever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwnjyOU9LiY)


End file.
